This post will probably be fairly graphic, please don't read if you have a low pain tolerence or ever want children.
I read a lot of "labour stories" on websites like mumsnet while I was waiting for Rose to come, and I feel like I should write mine down. For the first week after birth I wanted to stop dwelling on how traumatic labour was, we had a pretty rough one, but now I don't want to completely forget how it went so it seems a good time to get it out.
So on the Monday evening I started getting pains a lot like strong period pains, which had been happening on and off for weeks, so although I wanted it to be the start of something more I didn't get my hopes up too much. By 11pm I knew it was the start of labour; the pains were really bad and coming quite often. I spent the night sitting around, having a bath, and generally writhing around in agony. We went to hospital in the morning, I think maybe about 6am, and a midwife (who we recognised from One Born Every Minute, woo!) examined me. I wasn't enough cm to go into the delivery suite, I think about 3cm, so she asked us to wait an hour to be examined again for them to decide where I should go next. We walked around the hospital to try and help her push down, which was really hard as the contractions were really painful and had me doubled over every 5 minutes. When I got re-examined I still wasn't ready for the delivery suite but the midwife sent me to a ward for 3 hours to wait to see if things would progress. I was so tired by this point, I'd had no sleep and the contractions were really exhausting, so I had a lie-down for an hour or so before walking around again. I can still remember how bad the pain was when contractions came, I'd have to stop and hold onto something and try to breathe while I waited for it to pass. At the end of the 3 hours a midwife said that she didn't think the contractions were strong enough because I wasn't screaming, but I asked her to examine me any way. I was 5 and a half cm, you can go to the delivery suite at 4cm, so I just had to wait for a free bed and I could go and get some real pain relief. That felt such a relief. In the delivery suite I decided to have some diamorphine, after I found the gas and air didn't give me enough relief. I think some people might think that diamorphine and similar pain relief is to take the pain away and make labour easier right until birth, but it's really not. It's good for giving you a break, as although you feel the contractions you feel like you can cope, and feel spaced out so you can have a rest...exactly what I needed. But you can't have it within an hour of giving birth, so it's not for the last stages of labour really (because it passes over to baby and she'd be born all groggy and stuggle to breastfeed). So that slowed things down a bit, but gave me a chance to close my eyes. And then came the longest few hours EVER. I don't know what time I'd gone into the delivery suite, probably around 3pm, and Rose was eventually born at 5.30am the next morning...so this bit took a LONG time. Contractions were really really bad, and the midwife told me that my waters were bulging right under her head but despite standing and kneeling trying to help them to break they just wouldn't burst. I could feel a horrible pressure as well as the contractions, and gas and air was making me throw up. After hours and hours of this and finding out that things weren't really progressing I decided the time had come to have an epidural. I couldn't cope with it any longer. The epidural obviously took away the pain of the contractions, and I couldn't feel any urge to push because I was numb, but the midwives tell you when to push and after an hour of pushing (HARD WORK) they brought in a doctor. Rose's head was swollen from pushing and they had a good feel around and decided that she was facing back to back. This was why contractions were so bad and why it was taking so long. They had to turn her around, which meant going into theatre and them making a cut so that they could use forceps to turn her. This was so scary, after such a long and tiring labour I was exhausted and lying numb on a bed with people stood over me in scrubs in an operating theatre was terrorfying. Well obviously the ending is happy, Rose was safely pulled out of me(!) and plonked on my chest. It was emotional! It turned out that my cervix was torn by the forceps, which meant that I lost a lot of blood, which was a really odd feeling seeing the doctors looking a bit worried and stitching me up, without being able to feel anything. I was quite poorly from loosing all the blood, and the lack of sleep, and was barely able to feed her right at the start, but I got better pretty quickly.
So that was labour. The midwives who helped both pre and post labour were all amazing, I felt really well looked after and they calmed what should have been a much more upsetting situation. I couldn't wait to go home, and luckily they said that my iron levels before labour were great otherwise I'd have had to have a blood transfusion (go me and and my iron rich veggie pregnancy diet!), so I only stayed one night.
We're okay now.
x x x x
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Saturday, 4 August 2012
A Rose
Rose is here. She was almost two weeks late, born Wednesday 18th July at 5.30am. Labour was horrific, I think I'll do a post about that seperately as now that a few weeks have past it's not too upsetting to talk about. She's perfect. Nothing could have prepared me for how much I love her. Here she is in hospital...
In an adorable outfit looking like a gremlin...
And with her mum...
Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever been through. She sleeps in dribs and drabs, paying no attention to the time of day, and at night it's incredibly hard to join in with her blase attitude to time and not get upset. But every time we have a "good night", with her sleeping in her cot for a few hours, it feels like a huge success. The emotional rolercoaster is hard to describe, and to be honest the first week of tears and fears is already difficult to remember. I can't get enough of her and kiss her head all day long. I love picking her up and remembering how delicious she smells. I could look at her forever. Breastfeeding is infinitely harder than I could have prepared for, I might do a post about it because I want to always remember how proud I should be that I've stuck with it despite the pain and relentlessness. She's sometimes feeding for hours at the moment, which means that doing anything is impossible...I have become the queen of multi-tasking eating meals with one hand while she's attached to my chest. She's growing and changing by the day, it's so mind blowing to watch. Our mantra has become "it'll get easier".
x x x x x x
In an adorable outfit looking like a gremlin...
And with her mum...
Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever been through. She sleeps in dribs and drabs, paying no attention to the time of day, and at night it's incredibly hard to join in with her blase attitude to time and not get upset. But every time we have a "good night", with her sleeping in her cot for a few hours, it feels like a huge success. The emotional rolercoaster is hard to describe, and to be honest the first week of tears and fears is already difficult to remember. I can't get enough of her and kiss her head all day long. I love picking her up and remembering how delicious she smells. I could look at her forever. Breastfeeding is infinitely harder than I could have prepared for, I might do a post about it because I want to always remember how proud I should be that I've stuck with it despite the pain and relentlessness. She's sometimes feeding for hours at the moment, which means that doing anything is impossible...I have become the queen of multi-tasking eating meals with one hand while she's attached to my chest. She's growing and changing by the day, it's so mind blowing to watch. Our mantra has become "it'll get easier".
x x x x x x
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
bump diary
I'm 39 weeks and 5 days.
I hoped she'd be here by now! I'm sure that every first mum probably feels the same... for a while I felt like it'd be any day, but that feeling seems to have gone and now I wouldn't be suprised if she hangs on for at least another week. But still hoping for any day now and constantly sitting on a birthing ball/walking around/doing yoga stuff to try to help her find the exit. I'm SO READY.
Here's week 36 - week 39. I think you can see when she dropped down from week 37 - 38, the bump's really low now. That's a good sign!
I hoped she'd be here by now! I'm sure that every first mum probably feels the same... for a while I felt like it'd be any day, but that feeling seems to have gone and now I wouldn't be suprised if she hangs on for at least another week. But still hoping for any day now and constantly sitting on a birthing ball/walking around/doing yoga stuff to try to help her find the exit. I'm SO READY.
Here's week 36 - week 39. I think you can see when she dropped down from week 37 - 38, the bump's really low now. That's a good sign!
Monday, 25 June 2012
you need an upgrade...to a new face!
I'm 38 weeks and 4 days.
I upgraded my phone. For the past 5 or 6 years I've used the cheapest pay-as-you-go model going after loosing a contract phone and not really trusting myself on the phone to t-mobile (last time I phoned to cancel my contract I somehow found myself agreeing to 16 months at £5 more a month), and I've found the brick-like reliability of an old school phone reassuring. But I decided to get a phone with a camera on for the sole reason that I know friends/relatives might like to get a text of pictures of the baby. Turns out that I could get a cheap "smartphone" for £10 less a month than I was paying. Which is good. But it doesn't have any buttons and I don't trust it. I've turned off all internet capabilities out of fear, although I did download an "app". I've been slowly getting to grips with sending texts, tapping my big pregnant fingers on the screen and pressing two of three letters at a time. I need a stick for dialling, like Homer does on the Simpsons (I could also do with one of his mumu's). I don't understand if I can put photos onto the laptop without using the internet on the phone, but I'm sure there'll be a way involving wires. So now I can take photos of my baby that look like polaroids and she'll be hip.
21st Century mum.
x x x x
I upgraded my phone. For the past 5 or 6 years I've used the cheapest pay-as-you-go model going after loosing a contract phone and not really trusting myself on the phone to t-mobile (last time I phoned to cancel my contract I somehow found myself agreeing to 16 months at £5 more a month), and I've found the brick-like reliability of an old school phone reassuring. But I decided to get a phone with a camera on for the sole reason that I know friends/relatives might like to get a text of pictures of the baby. Turns out that I could get a cheap "smartphone" for £10 less a month than I was paying. Which is good. But it doesn't have any buttons and I don't trust it. I've turned off all internet capabilities out of fear, although I did download an "app". I've been slowly getting to grips with sending texts, tapping my big pregnant fingers on the screen and pressing two of three letters at a time. I need a stick for dialling, like Homer does on the Simpsons (I could also do with one of his mumu's). I don't understand if I can put photos onto the laptop without using the internet on the phone, but I'm sure there'll be a way involving wires. So now I can take photos of my baby that look like polaroids and she'll be hip.
21st Century mum.
x x x x
Friday, 15 June 2012
nap
I forgot to say in that last post that I've just got up from a sickeningly Waltons-esque nap-time with the cat and the bump. I was talking to baby about her imminent arrival and the cat came and joined us before we all fell asleep in a heap. sigh.
nursing clothes
I'm 37 weeks and a day.
I really feel like I could have a baby any day now. Yesterday I started having quite bad stomach cramps in town and thought my time had come. But alas no. They've yet to build up into anything more than something resembling bad period pains. Which could go on for weeks. I'm so ready now! BUT we're going away for the weekend to my nephew's christening so she's not allowed to arrive til at least next week. You hear that baby? She knows.
So, I've bought a few tops to wear for nursing (i.e. with buttons down the front). It was pretty awkward buying stuff that I can't try on because I'm too MASSIVE, but I know I wont want to go shopping for months once she's here. I don't really like shopping at the best of times, and as all the books seem to warn me I'm probably going to be a bit disappointed by my body for a while. There'll be saggy bits. So I bought stuff about a size bigger than I'd usually wear, stuff that fits me now but doesn't quite accomodate the bump. Just hoping that once the milk "comes in" I don't burst out of them in other areas! Hopefully the baby will magically suck out all the excess weight I've put on. I'm really looking forward to being able to bend down and tie my shoe-laces again, I feel prettttty big right now. I feel a new sympathy for obese people; especially when I'm drinking a cola or eating a magnum in the street and feel all the judgemental eyes on me saying "should you really be eating/drinking that"...I think fat/pregnant people get judged big-time for eating things thin people are allowed to.
I also had a look at the GAP sale today, they have some really cute baby clothes we've been eying up for a while, and although I resisted all the clothes I did get a cute blanket. Can never have too many blankets. Here's a picture, it's got circus animals on it, so cute...
Any way, I thought I'd post this interview I did for a blog because I mostly talk about baby stuff. It's pretty gross. They gave away one of my fox brooches, but it's too late to enter now, sorry! The interview with photos is here, but this is all the text any way....
Y: What is your favorite children's book? AP: Eeek it's so hard choosing a favourite, there are so many gems! Picture books are definitely my favourite type of children's book, but if I had to choose an all-time best-ever it would have to be Tove Jansson's Moomin books. The stories are so whimsical and lovely, and the versions with Jansson's original illustrations are all the more magical. I have been known to read them aloud to myself when feeling glum, and I can't wait to share them with the new arrival...I predict many a bedtime in Moominvalley! But if I'm allowed a quick mention of a second favourite it's got to be the hilarious "I want My Hat Back" by Jon Klassen. It only came out last year but has quickly topped my favourite books chart; it's beautifully printed with dead cute animal pictures, and the story is irresistably funny...we've already read it to the bump and it's proved itself the perfect book to keep us amused just as well as a child, I just hope that baby likes it too otherwise we'll have to read it on our own!
Y: During your pregnancy what is the one food you craved the most? AP: I haven't had an weird and wonderful food cravings, disappointingly! I have lost all willpower when it comes to chocolate and cake, at times I've feared that she'll come out addicted to the stuff! I did have a period of craving pineapple all the time, so hopefully that'll balance out the dark moments when I loose resistance to the bad stuff. I did wonder if I'd crave meat as I'm a vegetarian, but thankfully burgers have never even sprung to mind. I've actually really enjoyed being (fairly) healthy throughtout the pregnancy and thinking about getting all the necessary goodness for baby, so I don't feel too bad about my chocolate splurges!
Y: What are you most looking forward to about being a mom? AP: I couldn't be more excited about being a mum. It's hard to choose something that I'm looking forward to most, as I think my idea of what's important has changed a lot over the time I've been pregnant. At the start I thought stuff like making things for her, and watching her learn and grow, would be amazing, and I am still massively looking forward to these things, but I think I've been reduced to a hormonal stereotypical mum who thinks that talking about nappies and baby-sick is acceptable conversation. As soppy as it sounds I'm mostly just looking forward to caring for this tiny person who loves me, and for her to complete a little triangle of love with me and my partner (a position which the cat currently holds and will be peeved to loose!). I'm already so proud to be pregnant, and can only imagine how good the feeling is once she's out!
Y: What animal do you think you are most like? AP: A few years ago I was absolutely obsessed with pandas. I used "amypanda" as my craft name, and I still love those hapless black and white bears. But I'm probably more of a cat enthusiast now, and they're the animals most like me. Naps, whining for meals, laying out in the sun...they know where it's at. I've got a slightly troublesome black and white cat called Sullivan, and love watching him playing out with his street-friends.
Y: Do you have any new design ideas you're going to introduce to the shop post baby? AP: I do have a few ideas for designs I'd like to try out. I'm really happy to let having a baby influence my work, and have enjoyed looking at all the baby-bits on the market and thinking about things that I could make. I've been thinking about using my brooch designs for mobiles for a while, and I think that I'll probably try out a few designs in my own nursery before selling them to the public. The mallard duck, seagull and fox brooches are fairly new, as is the woodland creature set of finger puppets, and I'd like to continue on this vein with lots more animals, I especially like the idea of making items to help kids learn animals that they're likely to see outside. "The dream" project which I keep putting off is to develop some handmade children's books, they'd probably involve finger puppets and I hope to test them on my little one before I unleash them on the world!
x x x x x
I really feel like I could have a baby any day now. Yesterday I started having quite bad stomach cramps in town and thought my time had come. But alas no. They've yet to build up into anything more than something resembling bad period pains. Which could go on for weeks. I'm so ready now! BUT we're going away for the weekend to my nephew's christening so she's not allowed to arrive til at least next week. You hear that baby? She knows.
So, I've bought a few tops to wear for nursing (i.e. with buttons down the front). It was pretty awkward buying stuff that I can't try on because I'm too MASSIVE, but I know I wont want to go shopping for months once she's here. I don't really like shopping at the best of times, and as all the books seem to warn me I'm probably going to be a bit disappointed by my body for a while. There'll be saggy bits. So I bought stuff about a size bigger than I'd usually wear, stuff that fits me now but doesn't quite accomodate the bump. Just hoping that once the milk "comes in" I don't burst out of them in other areas! Hopefully the baby will magically suck out all the excess weight I've put on. I'm really looking forward to being able to bend down and tie my shoe-laces again, I feel prettttty big right now. I feel a new sympathy for obese people; especially when I'm drinking a cola or eating a magnum in the street and feel all the judgemental eyes on me saying "should you really be eating/drinking that"...I think fat/pregnant people get judged big-time for eating things thin people are allowed to.
I also had a look at the GAP sale today, they have some really cute baby clothes we've been eying up for a while, and although I resisted all the clothes I did get a cute blanket. Can never have too many blankets. Here's a picture, it's got circus animals on it, so cute...
Any way, I thought I'd post this interview I did for a blog because I mostly talk about baby stuff. It's pretty gross. They gave away one of my fox brooches, but it's too late to enter now, sorry! The interview with photos is here, but this is all the text any way....
Y: What is your favorite children's book? AP: Eeek it's so hard choosing a favourite, there are so many gems! Picture books are definitely my favourite type of children's book, but if I had to choose an all-time best-ever it would have to be Tove Jansson's Moomin books. The stories are so whimsical and lovely, and the versions with Jansson's original illustrations are all the more magical. I have been known to read them aloud to myself when feeling glum, and I can't wait to share them with the new arrival...I predict many a bedtime in Moominvalley! But if I'm allowed a quick mention of a second favourite it's got to be the hilarious "I want My Hat Back" by Jon Klassen. It only came out last year but has quickly topped my favourite books chart; it's beautifully printed with dead cute animal pictures, and the story is irresistably funny...we've already read it to the bump and it's proved itself the perfect book to keep us amused just as well as a child, I just hope that baby likes it too otherwise we'll have to read it on our own!
Y: During your pregnancy what is the one food you craved the most? AP: I haven't had an weird and wonderful food cravings, disappointingly! I have lost all willpower when it comes to chocolate and cake, at times I've feared that she'll come out addicted to the stuff! I did have a period of craving pineapple all the time, so hopefully that'll balance out the dark moments when I loose resistance to the bad stuff. I did wonder if I'd crave meat as I'm a vegetarian, but thankfully burgers have never even sprung to mind. I've actually really enjoyed being (fairly) healthy throughtout the pregnancy and thinking about getting all the necessary goodness for baby, so I don't feel too bad about my chocolate splurges!
Y: What are you most looking forward to about being a mom? AP: I couldn't be more excited about being a mum. It's hard to choose something that I'm looking forward to most, as I think my idea of what's important has changed a lot over the time I've been pregnant. At the start I thought stuff like making things for her, and watching her learn and grow, would be amazing, and I am still massively looking forward to these things, but I think I've been reduced to a hormonal stereotypical mum who thinks that talking about nappies and baby-sick is acceptable conversation. As soppy as it sounds I'm mostly just looking forward to caring for this tiny person who loves me, and for her to complete a little triangle of love with me and my partner (a position which the cat currently holds and will be peeved to loose!). I'm already so proud to be pregnant, and can only imagine how good the feeling is once she's out!
Y: What animal do you think you are most like? AP: A few years ago I was absolutely obsessed with pandas. I used "amypanda" as my craft name, and I still love those hapless black and white bears. But I'm probably more of a cat enthusiast now, and they're the animals most like me. Naps, whining for meals, laying out in the sun...they know where it's at. I've got a slightly troublesome black and white cat called Sullivan, and love watching him playing out with his street-friends.
Y: Do you have any new design ideas you're going to introduce to the shop post baby? AP: I do have a few ideas for designs I'd like to try out. I'm really happy to let having a baby influence my work, and have enjoyed looking at all the baby-bits on the market and thinking about things that I could make. I've been thinking about using my brooch designs for mobiles for a while, and I think that I'll probably try out a few designs in my own nursery before selling them to the public. The mallard duck, seagull and fox brooches are fairly new, as is the woodland creature set of finger puppets, and I'd like to continue on this vein with lots more animals, I especially like the idea of making items to help kids learn animals that they're likely to see outside. "The dream" project which I keep putting off is to develop some handmade children's books, they'd probably involve finger puppets and I hope to test them on my little one before I unleash them on the world!
x x x x x
Friday, 8 June 2012
dream life
I'm 36 weeks and a day.
Dan's had a 6 day stretch off work, so I've enjoyed having some company for a change. We went for a day out to Hebden Bridge which was suprisingly sunny. We had a lovely walk through the woods, although somehow managed to do the extreme route scrambling up and down steps alongside the water, which was amazing but in retrospect may have been a bit much in my "condition". Hebden Bridge is pretty much my dream place to live, and hopefully Dan's work permitting we'll be able to move there in the next year or two, and raise our little one in idyllic surroundings. I've only been to Hebden a couple of times now, but I'm completely sold! It even has the best toy shop called The Old Treehouse, which has lots of really cute clothes and wooden toys. I somehow managed to resist buying anything, but if we move there I'm sure the nursery/house/child will be decked out with some of their treasures.
I'm in the final few weeks of pregnancy now, can't quite believe it! In case you didn't realise how vague the due date is (I didn't), only a tiny percentage of babies come on that day, so she could come any day two weeks before or after the date. She's actually considered "full term" at 37 weeks, which is next Thursday, although she's unlikely to come until much nearer the date (5th July). In fact she's probably going to be a bit late, as most first babies are, but who knows. Eeek! Braxton Hicks (warm-up contractions) have already begun, but they just feel like bad period pains and could go on for a month yet. It makes sense that it takes a while for your body to get ready for birth, it's crazy that pregnancy is so smooth really when I think about all the things that're going on in my body. The pains come and go at the moment, but I'm guessing that the very beginning of labour will start with these and build up. My energy levels are pretty unpredictable, so I'm trying to get things done when I'm feeling up to it, and napping when I start flagging. I'm so glad I'm not at work, I have no idea how people manage to work right up to the last minute.
x x x x
Dan's had a 6 day stretch off work, so I've enjoyed having some company for a change. We went for a day out to Hebden Bridge which was suprisingly sunny. We had a lovely walk through the woods, although somehow managed to do the extreme route scrambling up and down steps alongside the water, which was amazing but in retrospect may have been a bit much in my "condition". Hebden Bridge is pretty much my dream place to live, and hopefully Dan's work permitting we'll be able to move there in the next year or two, and raise our little one in idyllic surroundings. I've only been to Hebden a couple of times now, but I'm completely sold! It even has the best toy shop called The Old Treehouse, which has lots of really cute clothes and wooden toys. I somehow managed to resist buying anything, but if we move there I'm sure the nursery/house/child will be decked out with some of their treasures.
I'm in the final few weeks of pregnancy now, can't quite believe it! In case you didn't realise how vague the due date is (I didn't), only a tiny percentage of babies come on that day, so she could come any day two weeks before or after the date. She's actually considered "full term" at 37 weeks, which is next Thursday, although she's unlikely to come until much nearer the date (5th July). In fact she's probably going to be a bit late, as most first babies are, but who knows. Eeek! Braxton Hicks (warm-up contractions) have already begun, but they just feel like bad period pains and could go on for a month yet. It makes sense that it takes a while for your body to get ready for birth, it's crazy that pregnancy is so smooth really when I think about all the things that're going on in my body. The pains come and go at the moment, but I'm guessing that the very beginning of labour will start with these and build up. My energy levels are pretty unpredictable, so I'm trying to get things done when I'm feeling up to it, and napping when I start flagging. I'm so glad I'm not at work, I have no idea how people manage to work right up to the last minute.
x x x x
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